12 Weeks 2 days

The Zoloft is helping.

12 Weeks 0 Days

This week has been a very long and very tough week for me. I have decided to stop school for the quarter because my stress levels are so high, I just don't want it to affect the baby. My doctor put me on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medicine, it seems to be helping but I still can't sleep very much. I was having a really hard time functioning with all that stress on my back.

Anyway, I have another ultrasound next Tuesday (the 4th) so I will get to see the little bugger then. For now, here is a photo for you guys. I am getting bigger! I am going to animate these when it is all done with, so be excited!

I hope you are all doing well. I love you!

11 Weeks 3 Days

Alright, so being pregnant is pretty much lame. This is why:

1) I am ALWAYS sad. It is getting to the point where I will black out while driving and I come back not really knowing where I am at. Usually because I am thinking about people in my past and that sort...but it is pretty scary.

2) I am always hungry. I eat more than a sumo wrestler.

3) I have to poop, but I can't.

4) I really, really don't want to be touched. By anyone. Just keep your paws off of me.

5) My once kind of okay OCD is now in full effect and really crazy. I count a lot.

6) I only feel comfortable when I have my blue blanket wrapped around me and I have to be wearing socks.

7) I am always cold.

8) I can't sleep.

I guess that is just a short list, I know that the good will outweigh the bad...I just have to be patient.

10 Weeks 6 Days

vIt feels as if lately things are uncontrollable. Mood swings, food cravings...life! Ah, well. I am doing good right now and I am still truckin' so that is pretty good. We decided that we aren't going to learn the sex, which is a huge thing because at first I wanted to, but now for some reason I don't.

School is starting to get overbearing, well, not really. My Mondays just kill me. Seriously. I can't wait until this quarter is over.

I have a Dr appt on Tuesday, so I will update everyone on what is going on inside me then. For now, photos! Again, excuse the school zone. I am messy when it comes to school stuff like paper and that sort.


I hope you all are doing well. Love you!

10 Weeks 3 days

It feels as if I have no friends anymore. I am not sure who did the pushing, but someone did. I am tired of everyone disappearing when I need them the most.

Sick and tired of it.

10 Weeks 1 Day - Belly Post

So there is my 10w1d belly photo. The lines on my back are not stretch marks (yes I am terrified of them) it is the wrinkle lines from how my shirt was on my body. Excuse my mess, it is something I like to call "the school zone". Haha. So yeah, I am getting bigger by the day. Today I went out and got some stretchy pants because my other ones were too small. These new pants have NO BUTTON OR ZIPPER OMG HOW AWESOME IS THAT?! Now when I pee I don't have to undo like 9482908 things.

I hope everyone is good. I love you all!

10 Weeks.

Lately I have kept myself busy. You know, school, sleep...life. I have been silently stressing out about my situation and it is getting to the point where I feel as if I am going to snap in half. I love every single choice that I have made in the last 4 months. Every single one has been thought through, and I feel like I am growing up every single day.

Sometimes, especially lately, I have been wondering if I am going to be a good mother. There are people in this world that are horrible to their children, and I am terrified that somewhere down the road I am just going to give up on everything. I want to be the best that I can be for my child, no matter what.

It is hard to remember that I am surrounded by people I love when I push them away so much.

And this feels like the story of my life. I have felt like I have changed a lot since 2006, but it doesn't feel like it anymore. I am the same quiet girl who really just wants to be left alone. I do my school and my teachers talk about me like I am the next big thing and all I really want is to teach. I don't even want to be a designer.

That leads me to another point: I have molded myself into this person that thinks like no other. My mind works with amazing precision and sometimes...well, most of the time...it is overwhelming. I think too hard and I don't sleep and my dreams are so vivid that I could paint them next week.

Maybe I am just hormonal. Maybe I am making a big mistake...but I am going to have this child and love it like I have never loved anything before in my life.

Hey, maybe I haven't. Maybe it'll be the first.

Widget!

9 Weeks 2 Days - With Pictures

Hello everyone! I hope you guys are all doing okay. I got the parking situation figured out (teehee) so I don't really have to worry about that anymore. So far my classes seem okay, I am pretty excited for this quarter because it is actually going to be busy.

Now to the good stuff: how I have been feeling! Lately I have been feeling pretty good, except I am still tired most of the day. I have been getting cravings, some that are pretty weird. My favorite food right now would have to be seedless grapes wrapped in string cheese on top of unsalted crackers. Haha. I also like anything with ranch dressing, ice cream, and pickles. Not together, though. Oh yeah, and french fries.

I finally have some belly pictures for you, it really isn't much..but for those of you who have seen me before i was preggo (I was still kind of chubs) you will be able to see a difference. I googled '9 week pregnancy photos' and I pretty much look like everyone else, except this freakishly skinny girl who really needed a sandwich. Alright, so here you go, and yes my pajama pants are the most comfortable things on the planet, but it might have a lot to do with their history.



Anyway, I will keep you all updated on everything. My next doctor's appointment is on Tuesday the 21st. I love you all and I hope you have a great week!



This song always makes me think of you.

Day 36 - 9 Weeks

It is very late and I have to be up early, but I can't sleep. I am sitting here thinking about all the things I need to do before I pop this thing out of me...ahh it is so stressful. I am 9 weeks preggo today, it is pretty neat. Today is also my first day of classes (oh the stress), but I am sure that I'll be fine.

The other day I went and talked to the Dean of Student Affairs at school about getting a parking spot so I don't have to walk up the hill (this is one hell of a hill-it is seriously a hike). She said that I would still have to pay for a parking pass, and I am like WTF because it is $40 for a parking pass for 11 weeks. To me, that is bullshit. I get straight A's, dude. There is no way I am going to pay for a parking pass when I am a straight A student who doesn't want to put themself in danger from walking up/down that steep ass hill. That isn't going to fly with me.

So, I e-mailed the whistleblower 9 people about it. I am going to get some kind of expectant mother spots at that school. It isn't fair...walking is fine and all, that isn't what I mind. What I mind is when it rains or when the hill is covered in leaves (or frost) and I am carrying not only my child, but also like 10+ lbs of crap for class...I don't want to worry about falling down that dumb hill.

We will see what happens!

Oh well, I should really try to sleep now. Goodnight, all. Hope everyone is doing okay.