Things I Have Learned In My Life

The Paradoxical Commandments
by: Dr. Kent M. Keith


People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

12 Weeks 2 days

The Zoloft is helping.

12 Weeks 0 Days

This week has been a very long and very tough week for me. I have decided to stop school for the quarter because my stress levels are so high, I just don't want it to affect the baby. My doctor put me on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medicine, it seems to be helping but I still can't sleep very much. I was having a really hard time functioning with all that stress on my back.

Anyway, I have another ultrasound next Tuesday (the 4th) so I will get to see the little bugger then. For now, here is a photo for you guys. I am getting bigger! I am going to animate these when it is all done with, so be excited!

I hope you are all doing well. I love you!

11 Weeks 3 Days

Alright, so being pregnant is pretty much lame. This is why:

1) I am ALWAYS sad. It is getting to the point where I will black out while driving and I come back not really knowing where I am at. Usually because I am thinking about people in my past and that sort...but it is pretty scary.

2) I am always hungry. I eat more than a sumo wrestler.

3) I have to poop, but I can't.

4) I really, really don't want to be touched. By anyone. Just keep your paws off of me.

5) My once kind of okay OCD is now in full effect and really crazy. I count a lot.

6) I only feel comfortable when I have my blue blanket wrapped around me and I have to be wearing socks.

7) I am always cold.

8) I can't sleep.

I guess that is just a short list, I know that the good will outweigh the bad...I just have to be patient.

10 Weeks 6 Days

vIt feels as if lately things are uncontrollable. Mood swings, food cravings...life! Ah, well. I am doing good right now and I am still truckin' so that is pretty good. We decided that we aren't going to learn the sex, which is a huge thing because at first I wanted to, but now for some reason I don't.

School is starting to get overbearing, well, not really. My Mondays just kill me. Seriously. I can't wait until this quarter is over.

I have a Dr appt on Tuesday, so I will update everyone on what is going on inside me then. For now, photos! Again, excuse the school zone. I am messy when it comes to school stuff like paper and that sort.


I hope you all are doing well. Love you!

10 Weeks 3 days

It feels as if I have no friends anymore. I am not sure who did the pushing, but someone did. I am tired of everyone disappearing when I need them the most.

Sick and tired of it.

10 Weeks 1 Day - Belly Post

So there is my 10w1d belly photo. The lines on my back are not stretch marks (yes I am terrified of them) it is the wrinkle lines from how my shirt was on my body. Excuse my mess, it is something I like to call "the school zone". Haha. So yeah, I am getting bigger by the day. Today I went out and got some stretchy pants because my other ones were too small. These new pants have NO BUTTON OR ZIPPER OMG HOW AWESOME IS THAT?! Now when I pee I don't have to undo like 9482908 things.

I hope everyone is good. I love you all!

10 Weeks.

Lately I have kept myself busy. You know, school, sleep...life. I have been silently stressing out about my situation and it is getting to the point where I feel as if I am going to snap in half. I love every single choice that I have made in the last 4 months. Every single one has been thought through, and I feel like I am growing up every single day.

Sometimes, especially lately, I have been wondering if I am going to be a good mother. There are people in this world that are horrible to their children, and I am terrified that somewhere down the road I am just going to give up on everything. I want to be the best that I can be for my child, no matter what.

It is hard to remember that I am surrounded by people I love when I push them away so much.

And this feels like the story of my life. I have felt like I have changed a lot since 2006, but it doesn't feel like it anymore. I am the same quiet girl who really just wants to be left alone. I do my school and my teachers talk about me like I am the next big thing and all I really want is to teach. I don't even want to be a designer.

That leads me to another point: I have molded myself into this person that thinks like no other. My mind works with amazing precision and sometimes...well, most of the time...it is overwhelming. I think too hard and I don't sleep and my dreams are so vivid that I could paint them next week.

Maybe I am just hormonal. Maybe I am making a big mistake...but I am going to have this child and love it like I have never loved anything before in my life.

Hey, maybe I haven't. Maybe it'll be the first.

Widget!

9 Weeks 2 Days - With Pictures

Hello everyone! I hope you guys are all doing okay. I got the parking situation figured out (teehee) so I don't really have to worry about that anymore. So far my classes seem okay, I am pretty excited for this quarter because it is actually going to be busy.

Now to the good stuff: how I have been feeling! Lately I have been feeling pretty good, except I am still tired most of the day. I have been getting cravings, some that are pretty weird. My favorite food right now would have to be seedless grapes wrapped in string cheese on top of unsalted crackers. Haha. I also like anything with ranch dressing, ice cream, and pickles. Not together, though. Oh yeah, and french fries.

I finally have some belly pictures for you, it really isn't much..but for those of you who have seen me before i was preggo (I was still kind of chubs) you will be able to see a difference. I googled '9 week pregnancy photos' and I pretty much look like everyone else, except this freakishly skinny girl who really needed a sandwich. Alright, so here you go, and yes my pajama pants are the most comfortable things on the planet, but it might have a lot to do with their history.



Anyway, I will keep you all updated on everything. My next doctor's appointment is on Tuesday the 21st. I love you all and I hope you have a great week!



This song always makes me think of you.

Day 36 - 9 Weeks

It is very late and I have to be up early, but I can't sleep. I am sitting here thinking about all the things I need to do before I pop this thing out of me...ahh it is so stressful. I am 9 weeks preggo today, it is pretty neat. Today is also my first day of classes (oh the stress), but I am sure that I'll be fine.

The other day I went and talked to the Dean of Student Affairs at school about getting a parking spot so I don't have to walk up the hill (this is one hell of a hill-it is seriously a hike). She said that I would still have to pay for a parking pass, and I am like WTF because it is $40 for a parking pass for 11 weeks. To me, that is bullshit. I get straight A's, dude. There is no way I am going to pay for a parking pass when I am a straight A student who doesn't want to put themself in danger from walking up/down that steep ass hill. That isn't going to fly with me.

So, I e-mailed the whistleblower 9 people about it. I am going to get some kind of expectant mother spots at that school. It isn't fair...walking is fine and all, that isn't what I mind. What I mind is when it rains or when the hill is covered in leaves (or frost) and I am carrying not only my child, but also like 10+ lbs of crap for class...I don't want to worry about falling down that dumb hill.

We will see what happens!

Oh well, I should really try to sleep now. Goodnight, all. Hope everyone is doing okay.

Day 28 - 7 weeks 6 days

This weekend has ultimately been uneventful, but I have been doing a lot of thinking about love. I am in love with life and how there is something growing inside of me that I am nurturing. I love knowing that no matter what, I am surrounded by supportive people-and I could not be more thankful for that.

All of the baby books/web sites have said that this month is the most emotional, and let me tell you, I am emofest 2008. I am so thankful for everything that I have (and everyone in my life) that I just want to go out and tell you guys how much you mean to me.

There is one person in my life who has shown me what it really means to grow up, and without him I wouldn't be who I am today. He is one of the strongest, selfless, and smartest people that I have ever known, and I love him. Thank you for everything that you have given me in the last few years, I really appreciate it.

But times are a changing. I have learned that there are people who you can start over with. Be 100% honest with, and I am going to take full advantage of this. You know who you are, thank you for helping me learn to love life because it is amazing and sometimes unplanned. Thank you for running out in the middle of the night to get me fruit. Thank you for watching me cry and wipe away my tears. But most of all, thank you for being such a good friend. I would be completely lost without you.

It is so weird to think that there is something inside me growing. It is so weird to think that this time next year I am going to be kissing my baby's little face and belly and toes. I wish that I could put into words how much I love it already. There is a wonderful site called BabyCenter that I go to every single day and they have this thing that shows you how big your baby is. This week my child's brain begins developing, how cool is that! Apparently his little webbed fingers are coming out, too. That is so cool.

OMG WEEK 8:
My little monster looks like that! How cute/alieny is that!?!!?! Oh, I love him/her so much. I have also decided that if it is a girl, I will name it Jemma Annelyse! I am still thinking of a boy name, and I really like Josiah, but I am not sure. We'll see I suppose.

Now, I am sure some of you are hoping for a belly picture, and I promise you that I will have a few for you soon. Hang in there everyone!

Day 22 - 6 weeks 6 days

I finally posted the link to this blog on my Facebook, thank you to all of my supportive friends! I really appreciate all the congrats and whatnot. I am going to take a picture of my belly every day until I give birth (or every other day). I am going to start tomorrow when it is officially 7 weeks! I will create a Flickr page for it and post it on here so everyone can see.

I have been thinking of some baby names and for a girl I like Jemma Annelyse. I am still not sure for a boy, but I really like the name Josiah. If you want, you can recommend some names to me. I'd really like that.

Alright, time to eat some food, that seems to be all I ever do! Hope all is well!

Day 21 - 6 weeks 5 days

Alright, so I am officially moved back into my parent's house. I only have a few things left to grab from my old house, so that is good. I am glad to be home, I get all kinds of food and my sisters help me out a bunch. I am tired all the time and I feel pukey all the time, especially if I don't eat.

Tomorrow is my last day of the quarter and I am super excited to get it done with. 2 week break! Ooooh man, what will I ever do? I am working on a baby registry and stuff, when I get that done I will definitely link it on here.

I hope all is well. Lots of love!

Day 18

Today was an awesome day overall. This morning we went to the doctor's to have our first ob/gyn visit and it was awesome! I saw my little one's heartbeat! We also got a photo! Check it out:
Omg! My little bean! It is so cute! I love it so much, more than I have ever loved anything in my entire life...it is amazing! MY DUE DATE IS MAY 11, 2009! I am 6 weeks and 2 days along!

Oh man, I love it.

So, I had my last studio class final today. I am so glad that this quarter is out of the way, woosh for next quarter! I hope it is a little bit easier for me. I did manage to escape with straight A's again, so that is pretty cool.

Alright, well, again I hope all is well with everyone. Don't worry, I will definitely post more!

Day 16

I have known that I am pregnant for half a month now, and it has really been one of the most astonishing half a months ever. Right now, I think that I am the moodiest I have ever been. I feel alone, sad, unsure, scared, pissed off, and tired. I am eating non-stop, finals are here and are just as stressful as they have always been. My doctor's appointment is on Thursday, I am pretty excited for that.

I think I am beginning to push baby's daddy away. I am really not trying to but I feel so alone and there really isn't anything he can do to help me. I need to talk to someone about it, I think.

I need a hug.

Day 11

I am still tired. No matter what, I think I am going to be tired. I am on the hunt for some type of consistent income that is more than what I make right now. I am trying to revamp my life before the little monster pops out, which is kind of hard. Letting people go, moving on, moving out, growing up. It is hard.

Sometimes I am so excited about this that it is overwhelming. I am in love with this thing and I have no clue what it even looks like. It is so weird.

SO! I can't even drink GATORADE. wtf srsl! It sucks, but I am getting used to the taste of water. I guess I am going to get back to the job thing. Bye guys!

Day 10

I am officially tired all of the time. With a recent stint of the air conditioner being broken at the house, I am now not only overheated when I go there, but when I try to sleep I don't really get any. I am in my 8am class right now, I am glad that I only have one of these next quarter. It doesn't really matter though because I will be waking up at the same time to go to work, anyway.

I went and ate breakfast with Mom the morning, she lifted up my shirt in front of everyone and said hello to my "little peanut". That woman is nuts, seriously. I guess I am pretty excited to move back home, they are excited to have me. At least I will get more sleep.

My friend Alex gave me a bunch of baby books yesterday. That is pretty nice of her. I am also building a baby registry thing at Target (I love Target), when I have it finished I will post a link here.

Well, I am going to get back to work. Haha, I am funny.

Day 7

The other night I had a fretful trip to the emergency room and learned that I am only 3 weeks preggo! Since then I have been taking it easy (or trying to) and I decided that I am moving back home to my parents in order to save some money. Hopefully I won't go too nuts with my sisters being around.

My mom is super excited. Everyone is, really. Which is good, I love the fact that I am surrounded by people that love and support me no matter what I choose.

Anyway, I thought I would update everyone. I hope everyone is doing well!

This one's for you.

Day 3

Today was rather eventful. I spent the night at the baby daddy's. He made me a bubble bath-which I had a pretty rough allergic reaction to. I had a hard time sleeping because I kept dreaming that someone was trying to steal my baby out of me. I went to class two hours late and handed in my project, threw up in front of a class, worked, and took an Art History test (which I think I failed). All in all, today was kind of hard.

I applied at Best Buy, so hopefully I can get a job that I will actually like. I used to work there awhile back and I am excited to see maybe if I can make a solid income there now that I wont be able to be super TV hottie. Lame.

Anywho, I woke up this morning with some pretty intense cramp-like pains, I googled it and it sounds like it could be round ligament pain/stretching, which is normal. Sweet.

I kind of feel like the baby daddy is standoffish, it is probably all in my head though. He seems to be busy and he's got his own shit on his mind, so I will leave him to that.

Oh, and I cried over the fact that you have to have at least $1.25 cash to get something non-caffeinated at school. That shit is retarded.

Now I am going to eat some food and drink some chocolate soy milk. Yums!

Day 2 (Week 5ish)

Sunday night I realized that I could possibly be pregnant. I told my partner, who is very supportive and helpful, and we ran out immediately and bought a pregnancy test. I peed on the stick, and of course, two lines appeared.

My life is now 180'ed:

• No caffeine. This means that my lifeline (Diet Mountain Dew) is out of the picture. Yay! Juice after juice after Gatorade after water...JOY!
• No alcohol. This is okay, I needed to cut back anyway.
• No weed. Seriously.
• I'm not a cigarette smoker, so no worries there.
• I have to sleep at least 12 hours in order for me to be functional the next day.
• I pee a thousand times a night.
• I throw up almost everything that I eat.

Now, why so secretive? Well, I haven't been to the doctor's yet, so I want to be 100% sure that my little sesame seed exists for reals. I told my mom, and she is super stoked, which is good. That is all I really need. In order for my new found family to exist, I have to keep everything on the hush hush, which is going to be hard when my stomach is overcoming my body. Yay!

Alright. So, now to what I really want to talk about: how I feel. Right now I feel like a blob laying on my bed being of no use at all. All I want is to take a bubble bath and possibly sleep through the night without having to pee, but I know that isn't going to happen. I have class early tomorrow (all day) and it is really going to wipe me out.

I am kind of worried/concerned of what is going to happen with me and the baby-daddy, but I am sure that it will all work out. He seems to be nice enough of a guy. I'm sure he'll love our little sesame seed just as much as me. And if he doesn't, well, his loss.

I am thinking about posting belly pictures every week, so be on the look out for that...whoever you are.