10 Weeks.

Lately I have kept myself busy. You know, school, sleep...life. I have been silently stressing out about my situation and it is getting to the point where I feel as if I am going to snap in half. I love every single choice that I have made in the last 4 months. Every single one has been thought through, and I feel like I am growing up every single day.

Sometimes, especially lately, I have been wondering if I am going to be a good mother. There are people in this world that are horrible to their children, and I am terrified that somewhere down the road I am just going to give up on everything. I want to be the best that I can be for my child, no matter what.

It is hard to remember that I am surrounded by people I love when I push them away so much.

And this feels like the story of my life. I have felt like I have changed a lot since 2006, but it doesn't feel like it anymore. I am the same quiet girl who really just wants to be left alone. I do my school and my teachers talk about me like I am the next big thing and all I really want is to teach. I don't even want to be a designer.

That leads me to another point: I have molded myself into this person that thinks like no other. My mind works with amazing precision and sometimes...well, most of the time...it is overwhelming. I think too hard and I don't sleep and my dreams are so vivid that I could paint them next week.

Maybe I am just hormonal. Maybe I am making a big mistake...but I am going to have this child and love it like I have never loved anything before in my life.

Hey, maybe I haven't. Maybe it'll be the first.